Without you

   

Some days i think of myself as illiterate, dumb...why are we wasting so much of time if the life is totality of time?..then my answers hide under some invisible force which we both have nothing to do with. Every day each feeling seeks a corner inside me...to reach themselves out to you..

then i put the weight of loneliness on words, even they crumble...I cannot  choose the width and depth of my living anymore, it’s not in my hand, some “fate” controlling it over me.... Hints & delicacies..silences & cross-purposes..baffled frustrations..violent passions..steely numbness..wonder which stage of life I am in right now!!..may be in between all of them..!.. i find myself reluctant & afraid..the challenges, the future and my weakness. Being parted, every day I feel the lacking of other half in me; we are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. The complete incompleteness in time frame.. even 6 hours of skyping never seems enough, every night 3am stares at me and I keep losing every inch of sanity..Sometimes I run out of freeway and I wonder if it’s all worth the price that I’m paying. .. I pull into the drive of memories and you’re standing right there..then I get my inspirations back..and I find all reasons to label it “worth waiting”... 

I want to feel your skin, your breath on me, I want my fingertips on your pulse, my hand tangled in your hair,.. I want to feel your words ,whispers in my ears.. I want love. I want u..entire..!....some days i end up infecting people including you with my perplexities..., perhaps it’s the frustration of not having you in my arms... We have gone through so much together.,good and bad. we got through it all..but now when I look back I can't be thankful enough....There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater....and it's worth everything what we have!!

without you, some days happiness seems like a mind-bogglingly uphill task ...Some days I want to be absent from my days and surroundings...it’s like the tome of infinite loneliness, the doze of life without you. Time to freeze my ponderings..Need to be focused and brave, but without you I collapse.